I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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