It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
