woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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