So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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