Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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