Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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