Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
