Say something about gay babies.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
