Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize