My nipple is on Facebook.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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