good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
