Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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