have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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