I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
