last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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