just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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