yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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