so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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