there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found the puke drawer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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