I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this will be a night to untag.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
