from now on my penis is your penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
