I would go down on you faster than GM stock
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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