Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
