Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
