You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We have so much sex to catch up on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
