did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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