how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
