you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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