its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
