She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
