DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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