Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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