You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
