Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
