It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
