he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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