I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
