I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
