We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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