so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
