He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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