He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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