Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
