Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
