Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dignity is for republicans.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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