I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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