Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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