i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
