so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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