Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
