I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize