Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish you could order shots online.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
