I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i need some magic done to my vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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