We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
