We named our party play list daddy issues
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
