they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
