wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
