Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
