That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
did i just pee glitter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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