Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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