why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
