margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
