just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
