remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
