if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
