Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
