That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
