we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
